


In Between

by Twyd



Category: Durarara!!
Genre: Ambiguous Relationships, Angst, Bickering, Developing Relationship, Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-01
Updated: 2017-05-01
Packaged: 2018-10-26 05:50:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,209
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10780875
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Twyd/pseuds/Twyd
Summary: It’s not like Izaya to lose his cool, let alone to punch a guy in the middle of the street.





	1. Chapter 1

It’s not like Izaya to lose his cool, let alone to punch a guy in the middle of the street.

Though to be fair to himself, he’s still on edge, and he hates being yelled at, hates it. And it could have been worse. If he had been Shizu-chan, for example, he would have put that poor fool through a wall.

He still probably shouldn’t have hit the guy quite that hard though. Whoops.

But aside from that little tantrum, Izaya thinks he’s been dealing with it all rather well. Now he’s away from it all, now he can think, it’s not really a big deal.

Yes, he should have seen it coming and listened to that very first flicker of fear in his stomach, but, he had grit his teeth and got through it. It’s over now, and no-one would know.

He checks his watch. Namie will still be at there. Perhaps he will hang around a while longer.

He ends up on some hill behind Raijin, drops to the grass and lets his head thump back. Cloud gazes before closing his eyes. He feels his heartbeat finally, finally start to ebb.

“Who yanked your chain?”

Izaya jerks upright, eyes snapping open to find Shizuo, all of people, standing over him. He’d clearly seen Izaya’s little tantrum earlier.

Izaya grits his teeth as he grins and sinks back down into the grass, feigning nonchalance.

 “I was doing you,” he explains. “What do you think? Give me your sunglasses and a cigarette and I’ll do it better.”

Shizuo’s eyes narrow. He takes a step forward, and just like that Izaya drops the act.

“I’m just sitting here, OK?” he snaps. “Back off. I’m not doing anything.”

Shizuo stops like Izaya’s struck him.

“OK. Jesus.” He looks at Izaya like he might bite him. “But what are you doing here?”

 “I was here first,” he dodges, putting his hands behind his head. “You don’t own the hill, Shizu-chan.”

“Neither do you, Izaya-kun.”

As if to prove his point, he sits close enough to almost be beside Izaya, and lights up.

Izaya watches him uneasily. This is new. They fight, they fuck, but there’s no between. They certainly don’t…sit together on a hill at sunset. Thankfully though, Shizuo just smokes and ignores him completely. If it weren’t for the smoke and his turbulent mood, it could be almost peaceful.

Izaya’s just starting to relax again when Shizuo finishes his smoke. Without warning, he shifts closer and rests his head on Izaya’s stomach, T-ing their bodies.

Izaya stiffens.

“Hey, get off. I’m not in the mood.”

“I’m not doing anything.”

“You’re lying on me.”

“So?”

“So? So – get off me, you brute. What is wrong with you?”

“I’m doing you,” Shizuo says. “Annoying, isn’t it?”

Izaya almost laughs, really laughs, and the warmth of it takes him by surprise. He could get Shizuo off him if he really wanted to, but he can’t be bothered.

It doesn’t last, though. He’ll get used to the contact again at some point – he has to - but right now, he can’t keep certain thoughts out of his head, and it makes him shudder before he can stop it.

Shizuo tilts his head to look at him.

“Someone walked over my grave,” Izaya lies.

It's not as hard as hethought it would be, though. He didn’t think he’d be able to let anyone near him again for a long, long time, but Shizuo is familiar, and, ironically, Shizuo is not a threat.

They stay there until the birds are replaced by bats, until he knows Namie will have gone home, and they don’t speak in all this time.

“I’m going,” Izaya finally tells him.

“OK.”

Izaya waits.

“You have to move.”

He pushes at Shizuo’s head to make his point, who sighs and shifts like Izaya’s the biggest nuisance in the world.

Izaya aims a playful kick at him as he stands, deliberately missing.

“See you around, Shizu-chan.”

He steps over Shizuo to go, when a hand grips his ankle, nearly overbalancing him.

“What?” He turns around rather awkwardly, trying to shake Shizuo off. “I only pretended to kick you, you freak.”

Shizuo holds on, getting a familiar look behind his glasses.

“Sit down.”

“No. I’m not in the mood. Let go or I’m kicking you in the face.”

Infuriatingly, Shizuo does let go, but without warning, so he nearly loses his balance completely. Shizuo also takes Izaya’s shoe with him, and puts it behind his head as a makeshift pillow.

“What are you, five?” Izaya says. But he laughs. He can’t help himself. This is exactly what he would do in Shizuo’s situation. “Don’t make me laugh,” he says. “I’m supposed to be angry.”

Shizuo tilts his head at him.

“Why would you _try_ to be angry?”

“Because,” he says edgily, some of the warmth ebbing away. Because it’s better than the sick feeling in his stomach and the numbness in his head. Shizuo just lies there looking up at him like the idiot he is, so Izaya sighs and gives up, drops to his knees and kisses him.

This isn’t so bad either. It doesn’t make him nauseous like he thought it would. It’s Shizuo. He may be stronger, but…it’s Shizuo. Izaya couldn’t be scared of him if he tried.

Still kissing him, Izaya extends one hand behind them for his shoe, but Shizuo catches it and guides it between his legs.

“You brute,” Izaya says into his mouth, but he touches him anyway, feeling him getting hard through his pants. It’s a welcome, much needed reminder that this is what sex is, that it’s supposed to feel good.

Part of him is convinced Shizuo will pick up on something, as he’s still so tense, but Shizuo is mouthing Izaya’s neck and pinning his free hand like nothing is wrong.

 _I’m going to be terrible at this from now on_ , he thinks distantly. He feels something in him about to snap, in a couple of hours or in a couple of weeks or months, and he wonders if he should warn Shizuo, in case he accidentally brains him in his sleep the next time he stays over, just to get the tension out.

He gives another token wriggle, though he doesn’t take his hand away. The protozoan’s breathing is coming heavy now, and Izaya can feel him becoming easier to control by the minute.

“Give me my shoe,” he orders.

“No,” Shizuo answers, bucking almost involuntarily into Izaya’s hand. “Still – ah – doing you.”

“Funny, Shizu-chan,” he sneers, angling his hand, because he just wants to get his shoe and go already. “Next time you’re fired, you should try and be a comedian.”

“Oh, fuck,” Shizuo sighs, arching up into Izaya’s hand. “Fuck, you’re so good. You should be a whore.”

He stops as if someone’s struck him. He sits there with his insides turning to ice.

“Huh?” Shizuo lifts his head to look at him. “Hey, Izaya, I was joking.”

“I know,” he says, feeling numb. “It doesn’t matter.”

He tries to move his hand again, but Shizuo stops him.

“I’m sorry, all right? That wasn’t funny. I just – “

“ _I know_ ,” Izaya repeats, and suddenly all the anger he’s been wondering why he doesn’t feel is there. “Don’t say sorry to me, it doesn’t matter. But I told you, I’m not in the mood.”

He snatches his shoe back and pulls it on, struggling to his feet. 

“Come on, Izaya, this isn’t fair. You insult me all the time. It cuts both ways, you know.”

“I know, insult me all you want, it doesn’t matter, I _said_. I’m just not in the mood.”

Shizuo looks as if he may try and touch him again, and Izaya takes a deliberate step backwards.

“Touch me again and I’ll fucking kill you.”

Shizuo’s hand falters, and lowers.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing! You think just because I don’t want to bone you that something’s wrong? Get over yourself!”

“I’m sorry, OK?” He sits back on the grass, hands splayed, as if to show he won’t try anything else. “I’m sorry. Can you – sit down for a minute? Don’t leave when you’re upset.”

“You’re such a fucking pain, Shizuo,” he complains, about to launch into a list of reasons why he hates Shizuo and why  this would be a waste of time, but, he sits back on the grass. He doesn’t know why he does it. Shizuo, rather wisely, doesn’t come near him.

 “I had a bad day,” Izaya tells him.

They stay there not talking, although it’s almost too dark to even see each other now. Tiring of the silence, Izaya shifts and dumps his head in Shizuo’s lap, reversing their positions from before. He feels the other man stiffen with surprise.

 “You could have just said that,” Shizuo says. His thighs tense and shift under Izaya’s heas as he lies back. 

“I said I wasn’t in the mood,” Izaya mutters. He moves his head up to Shizuo’s chest, trying to absorb his calm, and Shizuo puts an arm around him.

“I hate you,” he tells Shizuo’s chest.

“Uh huh.”

They stay like that even longer, not speaking, until the air feels like water with the cold, and everything in his head finally gives way to exhaustion. He wants to go home.

“Sorry to be a cockblock, but I’m going home,” he says, making Shizuo start, having been still and silent for so long. “For real this time.”

“Are you all right?”

“ _Yes_. Honestly Shizu-chan, this is the one time I actually want to get out of Ikebukuro and you want me to stay.”

Shizuo shrugs.

“I like being with you sometimes. When you’re not being a complete dick.”

It’s hardly a compliment, but it makes Izaya waver anyway. His throat swells.

“What happened today?” Shizuo asks again.

“Nothing.”

“Come on.”

He shakes his head.

“It doesn’t matter.”

And it doesn’t, it doesn’t. It’s something he’ll be telling himself for a long time.


	2. Chapter 2

"Is this OK?”

Izaya is on his back in bed, with Shizuo between his knees. Shizuo is not doing anything particularly different, or painful, but, he doesn't like it, and he’s trying to breathe through it and hopes Shizuo won’t notice. Except, apparently, he has.

“Yes,” he says.

“OK,” Shizuo says. He runs a hand over Izaya’s thigh. “Because, it doesn’t feel like it’s OK.”

“It is,” he says, keeping his eyes closed. He has to force himself through this while he has the willpower, otherwise he’ll have a phobia of sex and being touched for life. “Hurry up.”

“You’re not even enjoying it.”

He brushes his hand over Izaya’s groin, where he’s only half hard.

“I’ll get there,” he says, gritting his teeth. “Just get on with it.”

Shizuo moves back then, and Izaya opens his eyes to glare at him, which probably isn’t a good idea, looking at Shizuo with pure murder in his eyes. It’s not the nicest thing to see in bed, regardless of how casual the whole thing is.

“Just – fucking do it, will you?” he says, exasperated. “I’m doing my best.”

“What do you mean?”

A lump forms in his throat.

Shizuo reaches out for him, and Izaya knocks his hand away with more force than necessary.

“Jesus, Izaya.”

“Get out,” he snaps, sitting up and drawing his legs in. His voice is shaking. “Get out if you’re not going to do anything. You’re fucking useless.”

“Izaya…” he says, and Izaya can tell he’s trying not to get mad, but he doesn’t care, he needs him gone.

“I hate you,” he says, and it isthe equivalaent of throwing a vending machine, the most damage he can do without thinking. “I don’t want to do this anymore. Get out.”

Shizuo's off the bed before he's even finished talking.

“All right."

He gets dressed while Izaya sits there not looking at him, fists clenched, telling himself that this is for the best, they were never going to last anyway. It's too messy, too much. 

He waits until Shizuo’s out of earshot to let out a sob, curling in on himself. He doesn't really let go until he's sure Shizuo will be down the stairs and at the door, and of course this is the moment he chooses to open the bedroom door again. 

“Forgot my- “

Izaya jerks his head up, and they stare at each other, frozen. He wipes his eyes and spots Shizuo’s sunglasses next to the bed, and gives a choked little laugh.

“Oh, you fucking idiot. You did that on purpose.”

Shizuo ignores this. He’s staring at Izaya like he’s come back to find him bleeding to death.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” Izaya sniffs. “Go away. I meant all of that.. Go away.”

Shizuo just stands there looking at him. Then he sits back on the bed. 

“I’ll go when you stop crying.”

This sets him off again, and he doesn’t push Shizuo away when he climbs back into bed with him. Shizuo strokes his back and his hair while he sobs, saying nothing, and Izaya hopes he's figured it out on his own by now, because he really doesn't want to go through it.

“Don’t go,” he says, when his sobs finally ease into normal breathing.

“I won’t.”


End file.
